the microcosm

No, it’s not what you think.  I’m not talking about getting married, or cranking out kids.  I think the biggest commitment of all is becoming a homeowner.  In less than a month I will be the proud new owner of a cute two-story in the southwest part of the valley.  Am I excited?  Yes.  Am I terrified?  Heck yeah!  Mostly, I think I’m just worried that something will go wrong & I won’t get the house.  There’s no reason for it though, b/c I’ve got the down payment, a good job & impeccable credit.  No red flags, period.
The funny thing I’ve realized looking back at the whole process, is that it’s a lot like dating.  You check out several houses & narrow down the field, then you have to start thinking about your options.  Next comes the offer.  Now we’re getting serious.  Much like a relationship, things don’t always work out.  On more than one occasion, I was left heartbroken due to bad timing or a more attractive buyer.  I know it sounds silly, but I was really emotionally involved with one of the places I bid on.  I still can’t drive past the neighborhood without getting all verklempt.  But all is fair in love & real estate, and I have to say that things have worked out for the best in the end.  I’ve found the man house of my dreams (within my budget), and I think we’ll be very happy together.  Who says you can’t buy love?!

This post is prompted by the quick progression of a relationship between a guy that used to hit on me & his pathetic girlfriend.  He couldn’t handle the heat when I started insult-flirting with him a couple of weeks ago, so I checked out his myspace.  In about 2 months they’ve gotten to the “I love you” stage…or at least she has.

Okay, so I’ve been in love before…or at least completely infatuated.  I can understand wanting to shout it out from the mountain tops that you’ve found “the one”, but come on, is his myspace page the place to do it?  Other than being oh-so middle school, it wreaks of insecurity.  You might as well say “back off bitches, he’s mine!”  Why do girls think it’s okay to fly their crazy flag?  I mean, this is a whole new level of desperate.  She posts a pic of them at a wedding with the caption “Can we be next?!”  WOW!  Who knows, maybe they’re soulmates.  My guess is she’s just another psycho broad hell-bent on getting married & crankin’ out the kids.

Has this become the norm?  Whatever happened to the Samanthas & Mirandas?  Why can’t a girl just date people & not take it seriously.  I thought that women were finally starting to take their time to figure out who they were before taking the plunge, but it turns out that all of the old single chicks are just divorced.  I don’t want that for myself; a life riddled with mistakes and regrets.  I’ll be damned if I ever turn into a gushing idiot & toss my future to the wayside for the chance to snag a guy.

So here’s the question.  Have you ever been or been with that girl?  How did it turn out?  I know someone has to have a great story about a nutjob from the past.

Who else was disappointed with House last night? It was like when you have a crush on someone forever & when you finally hookup with them, you wonder how you could have been so retarded for such a dud. Hugh Laurie’s hotness was not able to make up for the crappy plot. Too much was going on & there weren’t nearly as many hysterical exchanges between House & Cuddy. Also, I thought Cutthroat Bitch (CB) was trying too hard to be dirty (shut up Microcosm) & not hard enough to be a cunt. In past episodes I had really enjoyed seeing someone who was less likable than the good Dr. The 13/Foreman thing is just lame. Chase getting jealous of Cameron’s past with House (predictable) is an admission that he’s no longer needed on the show…unless Wilson’s boning CB & can’t go bowling. Are the writers still on strike? I thought they figured all of that out…

According to Urban Dictionary, whiskey dick is the unfortunate condition that is the result of a guy drinking too much, negatively effecting his sexual competence.

1. When you’ve had too much to drink and have a girl back home and can’t get it up to perform the deed ‘Dude, last night when i brought that girl home I had a case of the whiskey dick.’
   
2. When too much alcohol has been consumed into a male’s body making it impossible to achieve an erection even in circumstances where it would be almost impossible not to. ‘Parker almost got his dick sucked last weekend but had whiskey dick. Later in the night he did state that “It is working.”‘
   
3. The ultimate form of birth control. ‘I had whiskey dick that night… so I’m not ya baby’s daddy.’

While funny to talk about, it’s not funny when it happens. There’s nothing worse than discovering that your partner’s had one too many after a hot makeout session complete with dry humping. Oh wait, it does get worse, like when you know they’ve only had a couple of beers & they still can’t keep it up. Is that what happens to guys when they get older? Is the sight of a hot, naked 25 year old that gives great head not enough anymore? This is all hypothetical, of course.

Okay, so this impromptu entry is the result of my curiosity getting the best of me.  I’m not the kind of girl who does a lot of things she regrets in the morning, but what about 2 years later?  I’ve gone out with tons of guys, dated a handful, been in love with a few.  When you’re waking up next to the same person for over a year, chances are you’ll remember them fondly (even if you won’t admit it).  But the ones you knew mostly in the biblical sense can sometimes come back to haunt you…with the help of myspace.

A couple of years ago I met “dickface” at a club.  I started making out with him to get a friend that I had previously hooked up with to leave me alone.  Seriously dude, cockblocking is NOT cool.  He was totally not my type, but I figured it wouldn’t leave the club.  Unfortunately, I was wrong.  Long story short, we were inseparable for the duration of his trip, he didn’t call me for 3 months, then he came out to visit around New Year’s.  Something trivial happened, he used it as an out, I was sad, BLAH BLAH BLAH.  End of story, right?  Well not so much.  I don’t go to the strip much (considering that I’m in Vegas the majority of 365 days a year), but in the past couple of years I’ve had a few sightings.  It hasn’t happened in a while, but for some reason, today I got the bright idea to look him up online.  I have absolutely no interest in this guy, but sometimes I get bored.  Oh, I found him, alright.

Here’s where the title comes in.  I seriously almost lost my lunch when I clicked on his page.  How could I have been so crazy over a guy that looks like Terry Bradshaw mated with a liger?!?  I thought I had better judgment than that.  Move over Britney, it seems that I’m the one that truly needs to be committed.  On the bright side, some poor bastard’ll probably get lucky next weekend…

It’s amazing how wrong we can be sometimes. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written someone off only to later find out that they are actually a lot different than I had pegged them. In the professional world this happens a lot. You meet someone & think, “Hey, this person’s really got their stuff together.” A few months later it comes to the surface that they’re actually drowning & they have absolutely no idea what to do. Speaking from experience, I can say that situations like this have made me lose all confidence in said person & in fact, become a little bitter towards them. I think my resentment comes from my inability to really sell myself. While I may have tons of confidence in other areas of my life, I am for the most part incapable of approaching my boss with such gusto. I aim to please, therefore, I do not want to set the bar too high for myself. It appears that others have the exact opposite problem, but fortunately for them, there are people like me to clean up their messes. Read more »