I want you to look up at the woman. Her name is Izabella Scorupco. You may know her from her role as a Bond girl in Goldeneye. If it were not for her and her… assests, Cougar Club would have gotten only one star(*). This should help explain what the ratings on the Movie Reviews mean.
0 stars – If you watch this film after reading this review, go to hell! (example: Play It to the Bone)
1/2 star – This film got distributed by somebody? Jesus! If I hear the name of this film, I swear… (example: Gator Bait)
* – Disappointing piece of horse crap. Who writes this shit? (example: Hard Target)
* 1/2 – There must’ve been some distractingly good looking chic for this film to deserve a *, so it got one. (example: Cougar Club)
** – There was potential for something here, but it fell flat on its face. Waste a minute on this, you’re a fool. (example: The Kingdom)
** 1/2 – Almost bearable. If it comes on TV & you can’t fall asleep, it’s acceptable to let this bore you to sleep. (example: Every Which Way But Loose)
*** – This really had potential. I was hoping that this was going to be a great movie, but… it was just good. Good like a meatloaf, when you were expecting steak. (example: The Devil’s Own)
*** 1/2 – I really liked this movie, but it just didn’t have that something… the pistassa… the zzzzigggittyyy… to take it to the next level. If you like movies in this genre, then you should check it out, matinee of course. (example: Catch Me If You Can)
**** – Go see this as soon as you can. It is definitely worth a primetime viewing and it might just be remembered fondly 10 years from now. (example: Casino Royale)
**** 1/2 – Classic, oscar-worthy, and probably one of the 5 best films this year. Good like filet when you were expecting meatloaf. (example: There Will Be Blood)
***** - PISTASSA! Ok, ok, if you don’t see this one, there’s likely some reason, like you’re blind and deaf! (example: Raiders of the Lost Ark)
Movie Reviews so far:
Filed under: Film | Tagged: Casino Royale, Catch Me If You Can, Cougar Club, Every Which Way But Loose, Gator Bait, Hard Target, Hellboy, Movie Reviews, Play It to the Bone, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Devil's Own, The Incredible Hulk, The Kingdom, There Will Be Blood, WALL·E, Wanted
“Yo Affleck you da bomb in Phantoms!”–Jay (Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back)
The greatest movie observation ever made–now and forever…
Wasn’t Jay a herion addict? It’s even more apropos.
I like the breasty direction of this site. BTW, why are guys so obsessed with breasts?
This is a very entertaining answer: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_are_men_attracted_to_a_womans_breasts
I like the use of the word “hopefully”
hmmm…this reminds me of something i read once. oh yeah! darwin & strippers!
Yes, **here’s where I bow**, thank you. For those of you who wish to read said article: Darwin and Strippers
Thanks, it’s hard to link stuff when you’re commenting from your phone…